The GoYin Store: Buy GoYin Wholesale

So, if you’re driving south on I-15 in Utah approaching the point of the mountain, you will notice the above billboard, minus the question mark. What is Xango trying to say? That they were first in the Traditional Asian Medicine game? Are they implying that since they started providing TAM first, that they are better at it than goyin? Well, according to me, the billboard should read:

It seems more like a response to the couple of goyin billboards that have popped up semi recently. Is Xango already scared of GoYin before Goyin even leaves the starting gates? GoYin launches in a couple weeks, which I am really excited for.

Since I might be getting some traffic from all of ya’ll searching on Goyin related terms, I thought I’d do something a little more constructive and less nonsensical.

So, I invite anyone who has had any sort of positive or negative experiences with Goyin, the new multi-level marketed product, whether as an IBO or a consumer of the product, to leave a comment on the Goyin Forum. If I find any of you Goyin personel astro turfing on my turf, I’ll call you on it (Mark and Willy).

Also, if any Goyin representative would like to send me a free sample so I can review it myself, please contact me.

Update: Goyin Forum

Since I was young, I knew I was goyin to be someone important and rich. That’s why I’m goyin to join this MLM. If I want a rich life, I am going (going?) to have to start thinking on my toes. That’s why Goyin will be my life’s focus for the next couple hours.

Update: Goyin Related Articles

Recently I had a frustrating experience with Sprint Customer Service. On my latest bill I had 266 text messages charged erroneously to me. I generally use between 5 and 10 a month, being as I have very few friends (see my link section).

Anyway, I called Sprint Customer Cervix (as it will heretofore be refered to as) and got a lady who had a slight ambiguous near eastern accent that I couldn’t pin point. I explained to her my problem, and she assured me that they had proof that I had made those text messages. I asked for the phone number they were sent to and was put on hold. After several times of being put on hold for 10 minutes at a time, she told me they were unable to track down those phone numbers but that they had proof that I made those. I asked what kind of proof they had, and they explained that they had the number of text messages I made but not the phone numbers. I repeated back what I incredulously heard, and she said that I had it right exactly.

Just in case they don’t have cell phones in India, I explained to her how text messages work. There has to be a sender and a receiver. If they couldn’t get a number of the receiver, then the text messages probably don’t exist. And since we were in agreement that they didn’t exist I asked for a refund. When she refused, I asked to speak to her team lead. His name was Vince and his employee number is 612106.

Vince 612106 and I had the exact same conversation over the next 20 minutes (15 of it was on hold) where they could not produce a shred of evidence that this actually happened, except the number of text messages. I asked if they were located outside of the US, and he said yes. I asked to be transfered to an American call center and he said that that was against their policy. All lies. So I just got his name and employee number (Vince 612106!) and hung up. I was told by a tech support rep that when you’re being stonewalled, just hang up, or they will put in your notes that you’ve been stonewalled in the past, which will make you more likely to be stonewalled in the future.

Gewis had a better idea. When I called Sprint Customer Cervix the next time, I said ‘cancel my account’ when the voice prompt asks what you want. I was transfered directly to an American call center, where a kind individual refunded my $40 within 5 minutes.

Ivan Mendes is the most fraudiest fraudster SewellDirect.com has ever seen. So much so, that Gewis, our expert fraud detector, made a certificate for him. Gewis even emailed it to him. It will probably cause him to use a different name.

The most common type of internet fraud of course is stolen credit card numbers. Fraudsters use unsuspecting internet retailers to launder money by purchasing goods with stolen credit cards and then liquidating them. Recently Preston took a whole trip out to Florida because the FBI tracked down a huge fraud ring with stolen merchandise that reached the ceiling of a house. They had purchased video cards from us fraudulently, over a thousand dollars worth I think.

There are some obvious red flags that Gewis looks for when orders come in and we are getting better and better at it. Usually the merchandise sold has mass appeal, and often times the fraudster wants the goods shipped somewhere internationally. When Gewis senses fraud with his spidey senses, he often calls the customer to make sure they are legit, and also performs queries with this really awesome search tool called "Google" to validate the identities of the purchasers. That’s at Google.com.

So anyway, watch out for Ivan Mendes. He’s so going to rot in hell.

Its been a little time since I’ve done any updates on the Sewellebrity wall. Since my last update, we’ve received three new signed glamour shots: Peter Gallagher, Slim Goodbody, and Denny Blaze.

Peter Gallagher is a bit of a strange one, especially since he’s actually in some movies I like, like American Beauty. Slim Goodbody is another strange one since he’s not really that into himself. Well, I guess wearing spandex with your insides printed on the outside, I guess that’s one way to be really into yourself.

Denny Blaze is a great fit, however. Check out one of his demo videos from back in the dizzay called “Average Homeboy”:

This signed pic of Denny Blaze actually cost $3, the most expensive glamour shot so far. He didn’t even sign it which is strange. Maybe average homeboys don’t sign pictures either. Yo D, thanks for keeping it real.

So I guess as long as I am trashing on local credit unions, here’s another complaint. I’ve used Utah Community Credit Union for years, and have been pleased (until now) with their service. I guess I’ll start with a compliment. One thing I like about them is that when you are depositing a check, all you have to do is endorse the back of it and write down your easily remembered account number under your signature, and let the teller know how much funds to put where. Washington Mutual always requires you to fill out an extraneous deposit slip.

But lately I haven’t been impressed. Recently they changed their website to include an extra security question if you are attempting to login from a different computer than usual. This is a good idea. If you are logging in from a different computer than usual, after you put in your account number and password, it asks you one of your predetermined questions, like, “What is your Father’s Middle Name” for instance.

I like to handle a lot of bill paying and banking using my phone’s web browser. I use Blazer, the default browser for Palm OS smart phones. So its my assumption that Blazer is one of the most commonly used mobile browsers. When I enter in my account number and password, it works fine, but when it asks me that security question, the submit button doesn’t work using Blazer (although with IE or Firefox on a computer, it works fine). So, thinking I was helping them with their traffic and their customer loyalty, I wrote this email to the webmaster:

Hi,

Whenever I attempt to login using Blazer, the default browser for Palm OS smart phones, I am able to get past the username/password page, but not the security question part. I can fill in the field with the answer, but the button under that to submit the answer doesn’t work, although it works fine with IE or Firefox on my computer.

Thanks,

cameron

Here is the response I got, which looks canned:

Dear Member,

For assistance with online banking access please contact member services. Representatives are available to assist you business days from 9:00 am to 5:30 pm at 223.8188 or toll free at 800.453.8188.

Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,

Online Support Team

Utah Community Credit Union

I’m not savvy enough to know if this is an issue they can fix on their side, but my suspicion is that they could recode their site to make that page more compatible for mobile browsers because I’ve successfully logged in with Blazer before that security question page was instated.

Its just weird to me that they wouldn’t put in some sort of effort to fix something that would effect a significant amount of their traffic (I bet lots of people use their mobile browser to check their balance when they are out and about), and it is also doubtful that they handle such a large volume of emails that they have to send canned responses. I work for an internet retailer that serves North America, and our tech support team handles each email personally and with custom responses.

The least they could do is write a personal email explaining the cost inefficiency for them to invest the time for their engineers, or simply tell me its impossible to fix, if that’s the case. Or, hell, just lie to me or something. Usually people choose to go with a Credit Union because of the personal attention and because any input its members would give would be taken seriously. Apparently, UCCU has gotten big enough that that’s no longer the case.

The highlight of my day yesterday was this comment on my post from a Beckie Whittaker (if that’s your real name, sounds made up to me), commenting on the embarrassingly ridiculous subculture superstar Kirby Heyborne:

“How crass can a person get? This isn’t a proper review of talent or ability or personality. I don’t live in Utah and never have, so strike one there…
I’ve spent some time with Kirby Heyborne-and know people who work closely with him. There couldn’t be a nicer,more genuinely kind or any LESS self-absorbed person on this planet.
Some agencies or assistants don’t bother to respond, let alone send autographed cards out, so you’re pretty fortunate to have received a reply at all. Perhaps your time would be better served uplifting and contributing positively rather than posting rude “information” about people.”

-Beckie Whittaker

Beckie, I hate to mode you in front of everyone (wait, strike that, I’d love to), but if you thought my post was crass, you obviously don’t know Kirby’s full body of work. At least I didn’t use the ‘f’ or reference the Olson Twins in a very degrading sexually explicit way as in Kirby’s “funny” music video that can be seen here:

So in response to what you said about how i should be ‘uplifting and contributing’ to society, should I cc Kirby on that? And also, I think you would be less of a burden on society if you didn’t make comments about things of which you are obviously clueless. Oh yeah and you probably shouldn’t use your full name to leave comments anymore; unless you want your name search engine optimized for something so embarrassing.

(thanks Jon)

I know that this is old news for many of you, but I am compelled to post about justin.tv. He is a guy in San Francisco that wears a web camera 24 hours a day using a wireless data card. He’s already making tons of money and has already been on tv (normal old fashioned tv), so its not like this is some sort of support for his cause. Its just addicting.

Last night I saw him play poker and lose, for instance. Isn’t that totally cool?

Justin has already been taken advantage of. Here’s a funny clip Sam sent me of when police busted into Justin’s apartment because someone spoofed Justin’s phone number ID reporting a murder.

I’ve been on sort of a page creating kick, so I dedicated a page on Yellow Subterfuge to Justin.tv.

As you know, we’ve started a campaign to contact various celebrities based on certain criteria (all criteria doesn’t have to match):

1. They appear in the "where are they now?" file
2. They don’t have any noticeable talent (required)
3. They are giant self-absorbed douchbags

Recently Bagley contacted and received a response with a signed glamour shot from Kirby Heyborne. Many of you outside of the cultural death trap (Utah) probably aren’t familiar with Kirby Heyborne. He stars in some films that I wouldn’t even wish upon Saddam (who is definitely still alive).

These films are a phenomenon that have plagued Utah for about 10 years since the first God’s Army was released. A bunch of Utah business men with cameras realized that there was a niche to be filled for movies that exploit the unique mormon culture/lifestyle. They also realized that they wouldn’t need to be imaginative or clever because there are millions of people hungry to see themselves (by proxy of Kirby) on the silver screen. The business men mistook the word "niche" to mean "toilet" and filled it with feces.

Kirby doesn’t really fit the title of "celebrity," because he would never make it in the real world, but since he is so incredibly into himself, and since he fits number 2 pretty well, he made it.

A funny story my roommate Bob told me about Kirby Heyborne: …they met for some reason, I think it has something to do with how Bob works a lot with film and sound. Anyway, they met at some sort of event and Kirby had some t-shirts with his face really big on it. He gave Bob one and he was like ‘hey you should put this on.’ Bob assured him he’d put it on later, but Kirby insisted he put it on then and there. So, now you see why he deserves to be on our wall.

Well, its been about 2 or 3 weeks since I issued WSI Marketing a challenge to at least leave some sort of comment on my blog to let us know that they are a company run by real people and to explain their representative’s comments at the UVSC Business Expo (comments about how organic rankings are overrated because, I mean, who really wants tons of free traffic anyway?). So I guess they don’t really care what people out there are saying about them or they don’t use any google alerts or anything.

They don’t have much of an excuse now though because last time I googled “WSI Marketing” I was number 4. How funny is that?

So anyway, the challenge is still on. They can leave a comment anytime. My goal is to rank at least number 2 on the term WSI Marketing just so a puny little insignificant blog like mine can nip at the heels of a big internet marketing company on their own branded search term.

Original Story here.

So there are two funny stories here. The first one you can read here.

But there is a funny story behind the photo I am standing in front of in the picture. A couple months ago a bunch of us went on a cruise. Nate was supposed to be my roomate/fellow single person, but he had to drop out at the last minute, so the whole time I was “cruisin solo.”

If you haven’t been on a cruise, at the formal dinners there is usually a photographer taking pictures of families and couples. Preston and Jen dared me to go and request a photo alone, and said they’d even buy a copy (they usually take the picture and display it on a board, ha!) after it was posted. So I gathered my druthers, grew a hair, and went up to the photographer. I stood there for like 5 minutes. I think they assumed I was waiting for one of the families that was before me, so I had to ask if I could get a picture. The photographer said “sure” in a nervous tone.

So there’s that. We then decided it would be good to pull a Danny and take my picture in front of my picture. I really wanted to sign and send it to Danny, but everyone else thought it would be mean. Its true, Danny’s been nothing but nice, so now I kind of feel like an even bigger douche than him. Anything for a laugh though.

Anyway, we now have two pictures overlooking us in the marketing dept. I’m pretty sure we’ll be seeing more pop up in the near future.

WSI is a franchised marketing firm that is one of vizad’s competitors. Dan and I had a little chat with the Utah branch guy at the UVSC Technology and Business Expo. Keep in mind that they are supposedly an SEO company.

The funny thing that a friend of mine pointed out is if you google "Utah SEO," they don’t even rank. It would be hard to trust your rankings to a company that doesn’t rank themselves. So we decided to ask them about it.

Dan said that he has a blog about local events and asked if they do SEO for local businesses. The rep emphatically said they did. We asked how well their own site ranks on the term "Utah SEO" and without missing a beat he said "not at all." He then proceeded on a 5 minute stream-of-consciousness about how there are "7-8 of their competitors at the show that focus on increasing rankings and traffic," but how they are the only ones that focus on "conversions." He kept saying weird things like "those other companies want to send you more traffic, but who wants that?"

Well of course conversions are everyone’s goal, but I’d like to know how or why you could focus on conversions without focusing any efforts on organic rankings and increasing traffic.

He also said that pay-per-click was superior over organic search results because people that click on those ads are more focused on what they are looking for, so the conversion rate is usually a bit higher. Its true that conversion rates are often higher for pay-per-click ads and so should always be a branch of a company’s marketing efforts, but do they mean to tell us that you wouldn’t want to SEO the same terms that you’re paying for? Someone shake the packing peanuts out of their hair because they are brand spanking new.

I would have asked him about that, but the conversation got really boring, and Dan and I had some important hacky sacking to get to.

Anyway, if they have their alerts on and are watching what I’m saying, they should comment here and explain some of this to us. I’m sure that it was just the rep who is confused and that the company as a whole does valuable SEO work. If we don’t see them comment, we can assume that they either really are brand spanking new (with emphasis on the spanking part) or don’t really care what people are saying.