The GoYin Store: Buy GoYin Wholesale

A new force from the dark womb of Lilith has emerged, and we are called Mormonicus!

Here is our first demo track, still very unfinished:

I know, we sound like an 8 legged demon dragon the size of Cuba, but its just me and slamwich.

Also, I have included all Metalocalypse music videos to go along with the lyrics on the Dethklok Lyrics and Videos page.

I know that this is old news for many of you, but I am compelled to post about justin.tv. He is a guy in San Francisco that wears a web camera 24 hours a day using a wireless data card. He’s already making tons of money and has already been on tv (normal old fashioned tv), so its not like this is some sort of support for his cause. Its just addicting.

Last night I saw him play poker and lose, for instance. Isn’t that totally cool?

Justin has already been taken advantage of. Here’s a funny clip Sam sent me of when police busted into Justin’s apartment because someone spoofed Justin’s phone number ID reporting a murder.

I’ve been on sort of a page creating kick, so I dedicated a page on Yellow Subterfuge to Justin.tv.

I have dedicated a page to Dethklok Lyrics. You are asking yourself what took you so long, because after all Dethklok is the most powerful entertainment force on the planet, being the world’s 4th largest economy.

Nathan Explosion’s vocals are super brutal (and unintelligible), so I thought it would be convenient to have the lyrics in front of you while you are home locked in your room banging your head against your door frame to the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle.

Your long search is over, you can find liquid nitrogen at New York Burrito where they serve "Sub Zero" ice cream. Its up on State St. in Orem close to 800 N.  Realize that sub zero ice cream is only for extreme people. It was designed by astronauts who quit the space program to devote their lives to designing ice cream.

Basically all they do is mix cream and sugar and flavoring and pour it into liquid nitrogen making ice cream similar to "dipping dots."

Anyway today Sam and I went and got some.  Sam of course is the mastermind behind finding the liquid nitrogen, and don’t ask me why or how he knew it was there.  They will sell it to you for $2 a liter.

Among the things we did with it were: dip and eat marshmallows (they become like giant lucky charms marshmallows), make a ping pong ball spin around really fast by poking a tiny hole in it and filling it up with liquid nitrogen (on one occasion the hole was positioned correctly for the ball to fly straight up and hover while spinning in the air for a couple seconds, I nearly pissed myself), dip inflated balloons, dip a water balloon (which made a nice ice egg full of water), dip a trophy (the trophy we’ve had for over a year that we used to award people that say something stupid), Sam braved putting some in his mouth and blowing vapor, and Sam threw some at us. 

A little photo gallery:

Marshmallow Fondue

Spinning Ping Pong Ball

Peeling the ice egg from the balloon

Emptied Ice Egg

Jill Johnson’s 6th grade basketball trophy from DI (the remains)

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I was asked to write a short review of Sprint’s data plan in Utah valley. Sprint phones aren’t the reason I joined up with Sprint, it was simply the fact that their data plan was the cheapest, and at the time, it was the fastest. They were and still do run on the 3G EV-DO network. I’m satisfied enough with the speed of the data connection that I don’t think I’ll be switching. Sprint’s data plan was $15 a month while Verizon was sitting at an extra $40 a month. It appears that times might have changed, looking at Verizon’s pricing now, they offer voice and data for 79.99, which is still $5 more than I am paying.

I use my data on my phone everyday for work email. It is amazing how often I will find myself waiting for something and how nice it is to have something to do that feels productive, like delete junk mail. Plus, strangers think I must be popular, spending so much time and attention on my gigantic Treo 700p. Plus, its very handy when you want to mode people to have google and wikipedia at your fingertips.

I have also been pleased with Sprint’s coverage in the valley. There have been many times when cingular customer friends I have lack bars and I’m sitting pretty at 2. On a somewhat unrelated note, the customer service at the cingular branch in the University Mall in Orem is ridiculous. When you walk in there, the feeling you get from the service reps is that you just bothered them at home during Christmas dinner.

As you know, we’ve started a campaign to contact various celebrities based on certain criteria (all criteria doesn’t have to match):

1. They appear in the "where are they now?" file
2. They don’t have any noticeable talent (required)
3. They are giant self-absorbed douchbags

Recently Bagley contacted and received a response with a signed glamour shot from Kirby Heyborne. Many of you outside of the cultural death trap (Utah) probably aren’t familiar with Kirby Heyborne. He stars in some films that I wouldn’t even wish upon Saddam (who is definitely still alive).

These films are a phenomenon that have plagued Utah for about 10 years since the first God’s Army was released. A bunch of Utah business men with cameras realized that there was a niche to be filled for movies that exploit the unique mormon culture/lifestyle. They also realized that they wouldn’t need to be imaginative or clever because there are millions of people hungry to see themselves (by proxy of Kirby) on the silver screen. The business men mistook the word "niche" to mean "toilet" and filled it with feces.

Kirby doesn’t really fit the title of "celebrity," because he would never make it in the real world, but since he is so incredibly into himself, and since he fits number 2 pretty well, he made it.

A funny story my roommate Bob told me about Kirby Heyborne: …they met for some reason, I think it has something to do with how Bob works a lot with film and sound. Anyway, they met at some sort of event and Kirby had some t-shirts with his face really big on it. He gave Bob one and he was like ‘hey you should put this on.’ Bob assured him he’d put it on later, but Kirby insisted he put it on then and there. So, now you see why he deserves to be on our wall.

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You should really consider Cyprus Holidays when planning your next vacation. The Republic of Cyprus was originally a British Colony but ended up gaining independence in 1960. It is now a developed country and part of the European Union and a beautiful vacation destination.

Besides the outstanding weather conditions of the Mediterranean, Cypress has thousands and thousands of years of ancient history to visit, much of which has been recently discovered in the last twenty years.

Today I finally am a Page Rank 4.

I was a page rank 4 last year too, but when Wikipedia started using no-follow tags, I dropped to a 3.

So congratulations. To me.

This leads me to talk about a couple of handy SEO sites (these are old news to some of you), like the Rusty Brick Page Rank Prediction Tool. A couple weeks ago I found it and it predicted I would be a 4 in the next Google update. So I guess so far they are batting 1000. Another good place to see Page Rank is oy-oy.eu, which lists a ton of google data centers (or maybe all of them?). Two days ago I was a 4 on a third of the listed data centers and this morning I was a 4 on all of them.

Well, its been about 2 or 3 weeks since I issued WSI Marketing a challenge to at least leave some sort of comment on my blog to let us know that they are a company run by real people and to explain their representative’s comments at the UVSC Business Expo (comments about how organic rankings are overrated because, I mean, who really wants tons of free traffic anyway?). So I guess they don’t really care what people out there are saying about them or they don’t use any google alerts or anything.

They don’t have much of an excuse now though because last time I googled “WSI Marketing” I was number 4. How funny is that?

So anyway, the challenge is still on. They can leave a comment anytime. My goal is to rank at least number 2 on the term WSI Marketing just so a puny little insignificant blog like mine can nip at the heels of a big internet marketing company on their own branded search term.

Original Story here.

Today I’m going to tell you about the great cornerstone of rock and roll and blues. You ask yourself, how is it possible? The most important secret to playing guitar like super man and your key to begin your road to giant douchebagdom, and its all free, on your favorite blog ever.

The cornerstone to faking like you are super awesome at playing guitar is called the ‘pentatonic scale’. Now you might say to yourself at this point “scale? I can’t learn one of those. It sounds super complicated! I’d better pay someone to teach me this.” Well, keep those Andrew Jacksons, because it is comprised of 5 simple notes. Believe me, once you get this down, you will be jamming with Hootie and the rest of Counting Crows, or whatever.

This scale goes like this if you’re in the key of E, which is the working man’s key. Now remember that, because you’ll play a lot of songs in the key of E and you’re going to want to inform people that its the working man’s key. It makes you look super smart and cultured even though you’re poor and grew up in Draper, Utah, and you’ll gain some clout around your young liberally minded friends (or soon to be friends once you blow their socks off).

Pentatonic Scale (minor)

—————————–

—————————–

——————7—-9—- seventh, tonic

——5—7—9————- minor third, fourth, fifth

–7————————– tonic

—————————–

If you are counting the notes and thinking that there are six notes, well, the first and last notes are the same note, the root, or “tonic.” Think of this scale as sort of a skeleton to all of the cool pseudo-sophisticated scales you’ll be playing pretty soon. You will be adding notes in between these notes to spice it up and give it character, but for now just master these simple five notes.

Improv.

With these five notes you can already begin jamming to your favorite blues or rock. Try them out in as many different variations and rhythms as you can think of. The important thing as you start to improvise is to end all of your musical thoughts and phrases on the right resolution note. Beginners will want to always end a musical phrase on either the tonic or the fifth. You’ll have to just listen to what your jamming to and you’ll build up an intuition. Once you start getting good at that, you can start experimenting with ending on the minor third or on the seventh. Jimi Hendrix did it a lot, and its super funky and sophisticated in sort of an unclassically trained sort of way. You’ll pretty much never end a musical phrase or thought on the fourth.

Note: the majority of all funk songs have a bass line based on this scale.

First Add-on

Just so you don’t get bored with this pentatonic scale, I’ll give you probably the most commonly used add-on. Its a note that will make this pentatonic scale into a simple blues scale. It might be simple, but it pretty much encapsulates like 70% of all blues and rock and roll. The note is a half-note above the fourth in the pentatonic scale. So, here’s the same pentatonic scale with the add-in.

——————————

——————————

———————–7—9–

——5—7—8—9———–

–7—————————

One sound that is often exploited is bending the fourth note up into that half step.

All of this is considered a minor scale, but in rock and blues it can still be pulled off while jamming to a major key. It makes for an interesting juxtaposed sound which is sort of bad-assesque.

For starters you can try this scale while jamming to these chords:

E, A, B7

Sam bought liquid nitrogen for 2 bucks a liter yesterday! That means liquid nitrogen is a comparable commodity to pepsi.

Well he was talking about some fun things he did with it and we started talking about liquid oxygen, and how it is used in the movie “The Abyss”. Apparently, in the movie they are so deep underwater that they have to breathe oxygen in its liquid form inside their suits because the pressure is so great.

Well, can someone who is an expert in the field please tell us if this really exists? So far all the information that I’ve attained (from “The Abyss” and this clip from “Metalocalypse”) is that its pink and it totally works. If it really does, I think I would like to convert my house into a giant liquid oxygen tank so I can live like a merman.

So there are two funny stories here. The first one you can read here.

But there is a funny story behind the photo I am standing in front of in the picture. A couple months ago a bunch of us went on a cruise. Nate was supposed to be my roomate/fellow single person, but he had to drop out at the last minute, so the whole time I was “cruisin solo.”

If you haven’t been on a cruise, at the formal dinners there is usually a photographer taking pictures of families and couples. Preston and Jen dared me to go and request a photo alone, and said they’d even buy a copy (they usually take the picture and display it on a board, ha!) after it was posted. So I gathered my druthers, grew a hair, and went up to the photographer. I stood there for like 5 minutes. I think they assumed I was waiting for one of the families that was before me, so I had to ask if I could get a picture. The photographer said “sure” in a nervous tone.

So there’s that. We then decided it would be good to pull a Danny and take my picture in front of my picture. I really wanted to sign and send it to Danny, but everyone else thought it would be mean. Its true, Danny’s been nothing but nice, so now I kind of feel like an even bigger douche than him. Anything for a laugh though.

Anyway, we now have two pictures overlooking us in the marketing dept. I’m pretty sure we’ll be seeing more pop up in the near future.

So I was browsing one of my new favorite blogs, Sock Pr0n (which I wish she updated more often, but knitting takes time obviously) and I was thinking about how I wish my own blog were a little less shallow than just making fun of crap that I hate.

So in an effort to supply the world with slightly more valuable content, I’ve decided to start a column on faking like you’re really awesome at playing guitar.

To kick off this long and strange trip, here is a little PSA that Slam Garfield filmed on his phone. I of course was joking, I’m only the third greatest guitarist in the world. Apparently, John Mayer actually said and did something like this in a concert in all seriousness:

Anyway, here’s the tip and trick of the day:

The jazzy/muddy sounding moveable 7th chord

Moveable chords are great, especially this one. This one got me through a lot of hard pieces in jazz band when I was in high school. Whenever I had to sight read something, which was like almost always, I often forgot which tones to add for certain chords, so I’d always just find the root tone and strum a moveable 7th.

This voicing of a moveable 7th is muddier sounding than the more common one because it puts the major 3rd as the second lowest tone in the chord. Usually the lower the 3rd is in any musical format, the muddier the sound and the more artsy and edgy you will appear. Putting the 3rd on the very bottom is hard to pull off unless you’re doing arpeggios (which is essentially what you call when notes of a chord are played in succession). Also notice that the fifth is missing, which definitely adds another element of ambiguity.

jazzy/muddy moveable seventh:

G7

—x— Dick Cheney’s clout as of late

—x— your brain on drugs

—4— major 3rd

—3— seventh

—2— major 3rd

—3— root

The more common moveable seventh:

G7

—3— root

—3— fifth

—4— major 3rd

—3— seventh

—5— fifth

—3— root

Now these are moveable chords which means you can play any 7th chord by putting the root on that note. so, if you want to play a:

Bb7 (muddy)

—x—

—x—

—7— D (major 3rd)

—6— G# (Seventh)

—5— D (major 3rd)

—6— Bb (root)